The following is a list of basic premises, or "assumptions" we make in NVC that are important to consider if we want to truly embrace the nonviolent or "giraffe" consciousness, and let it permeate each area of our lives. When we are challenged, we may find it difficult to make decisions based on these premises, as our past conditioning often comes into play so automatically. That is why it may be helpful to keep this list handy, frequently reading it, meditating on it, talking with friends about it. In this way, we can help it to sink into our consciousness' a little more each day.
5 Premises from ‘The Compassionate Classroom’ by Sura Hart and Victoria Kindle Hodson
- Premise 1: We are all natural givers.
- We each have a lot to give. We each enjoy giving.
- Premise 2: We can give and receive to meet the most needs for everyone.
- Needs are universal and identifiable.
- Our needs are independent of specific people.
- We are always trying to meet our needs.
- Feelings are helpful messengers of met and unmet needs.
- Identifying our needs is empowering.
- Premise 3: To meet our needs we become more choiceful about how we think, listen, talk and act.
- We are agents of choice.
- There are many ways to meet needs.
- We can choose how we act.
- We can choose how we think.
- We can choose how we listen.
- We can choose how we talk.
- Premise 4: We can continually learn new ways to meet needs.
- We can refine strategies to meet needs.
- We can celebrate when strategies work.
- We can learn from strategies that don’t work.
- People (including children) will have the energy and the clarity to find their own solutions and resolutions, once they have had empathy for their feelings and needs.
- Premise 5: By focusing on needs we can prevent, reduce, and resolve conflicts.
- Needs are never in conflict.
- Conflicts occur when a strategy chosen to meet a need means that some other important needs will not get met.
- For the most fun, we can find ways to meet everyone’s needs.
